Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
