sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my being single is dangerous.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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