so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
