Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
