Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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