i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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