So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
