the condom got lost in my hair
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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