mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
