By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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