They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
