There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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