who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
