this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
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Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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