My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
did you just send me my own nude
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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