He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
