the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
When did angry sex become our thing?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
