I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
