girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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