You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
