My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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