He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
