The maid of honor just puked.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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