she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
