Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So many bounce houses so little time
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
