halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
