So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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