I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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