She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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