yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
