just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
