mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
