I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
