Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
