I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
