I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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