we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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