Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i now understand why vodka
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
