i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
