She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me