I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
