He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag