i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
