1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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