This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.