I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bag of teeth...
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize