its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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