I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
