You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize