I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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