White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
