So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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