just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
