he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
