i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
