I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
