we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
