i'm lost and i look like a hooker
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
