"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found the puke drawer
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
foreskin is a definite game changer
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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