margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
