you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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