Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.