Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(727): View more from Florida

and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.

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(727): and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go. http://tfl.nu/b20y

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(985): View more from Louisiana

He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"

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(985): He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it" http://tfl.nu/q1ud

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(913): View more from Kansas

i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.

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(913): i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire. http://tfl.nu/gd8k

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(204): View more from Manitoba

at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.

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(204): at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess. http://tfl.nu/unws

Replies (6) Good night (2152) Bad night (1004)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.

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(403): Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon. http://tfl.nu/v8j0

Replies (2) Good night (1988) Bad night (963)
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(209): View more from California

Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.

(209): View more from California

And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.

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(209): Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012. (209): And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas. http://tfl.nu/yl8f

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(420): View more from

It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.

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(420): It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own. http://tfl.nu/cuwi

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(631): View more from New York

he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him

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(631): he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him http://tfl.nu/2wji

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(816): View more from Missouri

You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"

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(816): You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?" http://tfl.nu/o1ln

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(785): View more from Kansas

The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?

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(785): The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/iipx

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(810): View more from Michigan

its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU

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(810): its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU http://tfl.nu/okh4

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(513): View more from Ohio

It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike

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(513): It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike http://tfl.nu/56lf

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Alls I remember is making out with that chick.

(612): View more from Minnesota

Nope that was a dude

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(651): Alls I remember is making out with that chick. (612): Nope that was a dude http://tfl.nu/9vd8

Replies (16) Good night (1022) Bad night (2258)
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(706): View more from Georgia

I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME

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(706): I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME http://tfl.nu/20fj

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(516): View more from New York

Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?

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(516): Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep? http://tfl.nu/76br

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