i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
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Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
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No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....