i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now