Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
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I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
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First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.