She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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