i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
