Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
