I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
