oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
