i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
