He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
