I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
