I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
