All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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