K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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