my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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