You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
