i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
