my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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