Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
