he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
