There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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