think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
