that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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