I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
